Menopause the hottest curse!

Observations of a Middle-aged Dragon with a tattoo: 

Menopause the hottest curse!

And not in a good way.

I'm not the biggest Sam Elliot fan, although he's easy on the eye and has a voice like golden treacle gliding over a sore throat. So yes worth a look but it's the voice for me. A voice which I could listen to all day and it would relax me as much as a good warm massage or a long tall glass of iced vodka during a hot flush. Although in a Star is Born (the one with Lady GaGa), it's hard to work out what he's saying as he mumbles a little but still sexy to look at... Menopause Shamenopause.

I'm more a David Beckham fan when it comes to the looking (because just look at him... he's ridiculously handsome), but unfortunately his voice can't give me the same good vibrations of Sam's or men with voices like his, another example is Bradley Cooper in the latest reincarnation of A Star is Born. His voice is the vibration train to core city. Alas poor David...No dripping golden syrup here. David's being more like dripping rusty water. But I can forgive him, in my quest to defeat menopause because silent David is still a worthwhile diversion from menopause. I'm sure you have your own choice of man to medicinally lust after regarding the relief and survival of menopause.

If men don't work as suggested above...here is another helpful novel idea with great potential

Or try these shoes and cuffs on for size... Dare you to...  


The classics have a way of helping us realise...

Observations of a Middle-Aged Dragon with a Tattoo:

The classics still have a way of guiding us - even in today's multi-faceted changed world! Giving us pause to examine how we solve our problems.

dorth

 

 

Find a solution to your problems within Dare you to...


Why can't women take it or leave it?

Observations of a Middle-Age Dragon with a Tattoo:

Why cant women take it or leave it

Men will call a man a dick if he’s being one and then move on.

This is nothing new.

THE BIG QUESTION:

Why do (MOST) women find this so hard to do – so far out of their realm.

I say most women because some can do it, and mean it. Not just pretend. But these women are seemingly rare indeed - amazingly self-assured and STRONG. More power to them and may it rub off on the rest of us.

Woman certainly can throw it, BIG TIME.

But we can’t take it, BIG TIME and this is the root of all the problems.

MAYBE: It’s because we are more ‘feeling’ beings than men.

OR DO WE JUST 'KID' OURSELVES FAR MORE, believe in the fake not look for the truth. 

Throw off criticism that is slanderous and believe in our worth. However, be strong enough to recognise constructive criticism and take it on board, throw away the rest. Move on.

Why can’t we simply accept learn and grow from differing POVs be BIG enough to say we disagree, let’s move on. 

Or Yes I was WRONG, I'm strong enough to be the bigger woman and admit that. Now let's move on...

Why do we sometimes turn expressing our egregious thoughts - at what we believe to be something personal when it was constructive criticism, and certainly not sticks and stones - why do we turn it into evisceration. Therefore making it personal and then react by throwing insults and barbs that become deeply personal.

When women give it we tend to really GIVE it, with such vitriol it ends up diabolically wrong. An example is SLUT SHAMING.

 

THEN there’s this other not so rare event where WOMEN not only jump on - but stamp on (in great big army boots) any woman who is making a valid point.

THIS IS THE LESSON: A differing point of view can still make a valid point. Criticism, isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can make us stronger. 

A differing point of view is not the devil or Satan. It is what makes the world go round and gives balance.

Wise-up, grow up and try to practice TOLERANCE and inner-strength.

IF someone throws shade your way then be strong enough to know if it is really about you or says more about them. AND 

Take it or leave it. Then you won’t need to get down into it. 

BE THE BEST YOU CAN BE…

                                                    


Rating how good men are in bed by the car they drive?

Observations of a Middle-Aged Dragon with a Tattoo:   

  

What if you could rate how good men are in bed by the car they drive?

It's a long observation this week but it could just be worth it.

Bear with me this may be a more of an accurate predictor of sexual prowess than you think.

Here are some examples:

dorth

Nothing says whipped or my balls are in a vice like a guy driving a dented mini-van going 50km/h in a 60km/h zone and to top it off who breaks going downhill. Don’t touch with a pike pole. Scream's divorcee and too tired to lift his own weight. NO sign of a wham bam thankyou mamm, man here!

BEWARE: 

Middle-aged man, balding (any man actually) driving a late model mustang. I have noticed a marked increase in these American muscle cars around the burbs.

Mustang (Ford) has made a concerted effort to market their latest model very hard in recent years. ALAS: what does this say about the man in bed.

Probably, not so hard but he'll be a TRY HARD especially if he calls his car a 'Tang'. The original Mustang is Iconic. But this latest model to kind of quote William Shakespeare, it's just protesting a little too much with its long front and a short end. Might be big up front but can’t sustain it, hence the short back end. Ladies it’ll be over before you know it.

To paraphrase Paul Hogan in Crocodile Dundee that’s not a muscle car (not in Australia anyway, maybe not anywhere).

dorth
meryl

<<<<< BUT THIS  -  this is a muscle car:

The V8 Holden Commodore HSV GTS series now we’re talking Australian…. Grunt, grit, but more of a blunt instrument, not likely to be smooth. A bit rough through the gears, especially when at the end of his range. It’s a matter of taste if you like that sort of rough, tough, roll in the hay, and not much foreplay (lets face it, with a commodore what you see is what you get: no subtlety here) Good rating overall: but don't expect surprises or finesse (no peacock feathers or blind folds). Nonetheless, a big engine that'll go all night.

LOOK OUT for the slightly tougher, bigger brother to the V8 Holden HSV GTS introducing the V8 Holden HSV GTS ..... Maloo UTE now we’re really talking Australian, real occa Aussie.

Most likely a tradie or if it hasn’t got a scratch on it, a wannabe tradie. Warning ladies this man maybe in love with his car more than anything else in the world. Danger, Danger Wilma Robinson.

rosan
good

CHEAPSKATES that come up even cheaper in bed. Overcompensation: A small end car with no guts or style but it has all the fruit. Is the owner over compensating for something?? Usually shown to have not enough get up and go or staying power. Sloppy handling, very average performance, and most likely cheap but adds a few trimmings to make out he’s the real deal. Proof is in the pudding and there is no afternoon delight to be found here. Steer clear…

Grunt models of Mercedes Benz or BMW: you’ll do alright as will he. Real get up and go, off the mark quick and suspension fairly stiff. Stiff enough to take the corners hard. But in the long run still depending on the model not the real grunt some of us may need for full satisfaction between the sheets. Unless it's a BMW M model suped-up to the MAX.

mae

Smaller Mercedes convertibles: these cars have been known as hair dressers' car or handle like a lounge chair. So what does that say about the man. Likely he's small and showy even if the outer package is a fine design. Only a little bit of grunt, but in the end unsatisfying when it comes to stiff performance! Neat and tidy if you like that sort of thing in your men, (I do around the house but not so much in the bedroom, well not to this extreme: screams OCD).

good
good
good

SUPER CARS: 

Ferraris: Mmmm debate is open. Overall the super car is an acquired taste. Fast, stylish, proven performance but maybe a bit too into himself. That is ladies, it’s going to be all about him…. as he checks  himself out in any mirror close by. Not sure we get a look in, but a test drive would sure be fun. Older Ferraris can overheat on hot days.  Not sure of length of performance in warmer Australian climes.

Porsche drivers: notoriously know as wankers, but the cars are good. Alas that still sees the majority of guys who own Porsches not knowing how to drive them or get the best performance out of them. They are driving it because it’s a Porsche. Somehow, they are probably the same it bed. They just don’t know how to use it or get the best performance out of it. All that style and horsepower goes to waste ….. operator error likely. All show, no real go. To be honest sometimes the shape can look all wrong. Definitely one to steer clear of, or a lot of ground-work is needed to suss out specs and capability!! If you find that rare breed of Porsche driver; the guy who knows how to drive it. GO FOR IT.

Is it a Four-Wheel Drive or SUV? 

The jury is out, again it’s a matter of gradations.

 

SUVs: These vehicles, while theoretically sports utility vehicles, are rarely really sporty and come up short. Take ages to get off the mark as the engine is usually underpowered. You're in soccer Mum territory, a tough look on a woman not so much for a man. Really what does that say about the man driving the base model NO.

 

good
mae

REAL 4WD: In Australia we used to call most of these so-called Sports Utility Vehicles four-wheel drives. That's because they were authentic off-road vehicles, who handled any bush really well. No waxing needed here. If you can find an original that's a bona fide 4WD then yes: DO IT.

Ready for anything, stiff suspension, good grip and very, very much full of staying power. Good torque; a little like the V8 Commodore GTS, but bigger clearance great for rough terrain.

But back on the emasculated, purpose-build American SUVs, that vaguely look like they are four-wheel drives. Don't be fooled they aren’t. What you really have is a big trunk, (rear end or boot), roomy, almost too big causing usually soft, sloppy performance. All that glitters isn't gold. Plus suspension is saggy;definitely not stiff enough. In short: Don’t waste your time, a bit hit and miss in the bedroom and on the road for that matter. Lacks consistency in the performance stakes. A little meek and mild although looks big. NEED I SAY MORE: I mean look at it; a cake of soap has more shape and appeal.

good
mae

<<< HOTTED UP SUVs: Further up the range or should I say the food chain. You may find a WOW mamma moment! Now we're torqueing, and this guy is much stiffer all round. A powerful lover sometimes turbo charged (the mind boggles).

Loads of grunt and a thrill to have driving (into) you. Performance is always there. Maybe a bit showy and little too into himself worth the experimentation.

DON'T GET TOO CARRIED AWAY: SUVs with too much fruit: Screams rapper wannabe: RUN far and fast. Signals misogynistic, disrespectful… all bluster and no bang. >>>>>>

good
mae

<<<<OTHER SUVs: This SUV is too equestrian, that’s horsey and upper class. The whole stiff upper lip, may not be good at down and dirty. Soft. DON'T GO HERE unless you like the prim and proper type.... why???

Not forgetting REAL iconic FOUR-WHEEL DRIVES:

Reliable rough and tough: Toyota HiLux: Unbreakable whether the top-line model with all the trimmings or the down and dirty base model. No social graces, or sophistication, but reliable, rough, and tough. Ready to get down and dirty, no show pony but not subtle either. Don’t expect any finesse or a warm cuddle afterwards,unless you have a guy who's the top model with all the optional extra's; foreplay maybe an optional extra as well.

good
good

Last but not least the Suburu WRX: Simply the best of both worlds. Grab and bag him, ladies. Great BANG for your buck or is that f#ck! No more need be said. Go for it!

mae

 

There you have it, the bare bones of a guide. Let's face it; knowledge of any kind, is power. To be ahead of the curve in any game saves time and in this game in particular, any extra ammo is gold.

Most models of cars will fit within the guidelines above so rate away. The world is your oyster! 

Above all have fun and laugh at yourself and life... it's too short not to.  Dare you to...


Bye, Bye Ben Wah: With an upper-age restriction or Bye Bye!

Observations of a Middle-Aged Dragon with a Tattoo: 

They just keep slippin': slip, sliding, away.

dorth

In my quest for an exquisite orgasm and riding on the sensational efforts of Fifty Shades of Grey. I bought me some Ben Wah balls.

Conclusion: Some things should have an age limit of a maximum not a minimum.

For example, for some toys it says not for children under the age of 6. When it comes to toys of the adult kind it should say things like - not for women over the age of 45 or not for those who’ve had more than 3 children.

Of course there are always exceptions to the rule and power to you if you're one of this rare breed.

What do I mean: just as there are children who are 4 and who can quite adequately master a game set a minimum of 6, I’m sure there are woman who are over 45 and who have had over three kids who can enjoy the pleasures of the Ben Wah balls. And as I said …. Power to you.

But for us mere mortals…. It's a sad realisation that comes as quickly, as the thudding sound of a Ben Wah ball falling out to the bathroom or bedroom floor from the said lips they were meant to be inserted through and stay.

Sadly, no 50SoG moments for this woman, only the sudden realisation of yet another part of the anatomy that, that bitch age has caught up with.

I’d just like to say I’m not incontinent and I have quiet, a responsive pelvic floor, even my husband tells me so. Sadly, it would seem my bits and pieces down there are just sagging. I think I need bigger balls of steel. Just a tad bigger if they are to stay in the required place to have the full Anastacia Steele enhanced climax experience…

Ben Wah balls can be used to increase the strength of the pelvic floor muscles. They are indeed vaginal weight-lifting equipment. They can be used to improve vaginal tone and bladder control while enhancing the sexual experience. Now that's a sentence I never thought I'd write.

The only enhanced experience I felt was a higher sense of frustration rippling through me and not the orgasmic kind. Defeated and somewhat deflated, I stowed the balls at the very back of my bathroom vanity… way, way, way back.

I'll just have to be content with my normal hubby and his normal balls and my normal orgasm.

dorth

Because who has time for Pelvic floor weight lifting…. I actually don’t mind the odd weights session, but I’d rather watch grass grow than do pelvic floor exercises. Those of you out there that are smart or cheeky or both; are no doubt falling over yourselves to tell me the beauty of my situation is that I could indeed watch the grass grow AND do my pelvic floor exercises at the same time….. Ha Ha Ha. You never know, someday I may bring them out for an encore performance. Because as they say in the classics it won't happen overnight, but it will happen....

candle

The definative relationship thermometer - Do you fling or fold

Observations of a Middle-aged Dragon with a tattoo: 

 

The definitive relationship thermometer... 

Do you and your paramour fling or fold your clothes?

Take your mind back (way, ....way back for some of us). Brush the cobwebs off, shake yourself around and remember - the person you were in love/lust with in those days. When passion between you and your dearly intended was unbridled - wild and uninhibited. Where you couldn’t wait to rip the clothes off your partner and vice-versa, so you could delve into the depths of the white-hot passion of the beast with two backs.

In those days you couldn’t wait - didn’t think; became disengaged and - just let goooooooooooooooo. Various pieces of clothes were flung all over the place. You didn’t care if your dress/shirt/ bits and pieces were expensive silk or lace, etc – lust trumped them. Didn’t matter where or what they landed on as they provided a trail like Hansel and Gretel's breadcrumbs through parks, bushes, grass, home pathways, porches, living rooms, or even shag-pile carpet that crunched under foot. Passionate ecstasy ruled! Long, live lust. Viva la luxure....

dorth

 

Then something happened you either broke up and moved on to the next hurricane of horny or

The relationship progressed - the passion was still there it just burned a little less intense but it' was still white-hot. Clothes only come off in the hallways and bedroom, flung far and wide. Decorating ceiling fans, stereo speakers, light fittings and floors.

Then..... you and your partner sailed further into unchartered relationship waters. Passion burnt deeper and was somehow richer. While lust and passion burned not so white-hot, the feeling of being together was almost overwhelming. The clothes were thrown in piles on chairs or the floor. You are older and convention necessitates that maybe you are better at delayed gratification, so you take care to look after your attire. BUT oddly less patient the morning after. You don’t want to have to run around all over the place looking for pieces of your ensemble. You want to have some decorum and sophistication to your exit and somehow you know, this your sharing, means more.

Then, POW! Wham bam: you may not have realised it but something has snuck up on you, like a slow fold: sharp, perfect and neat. You're in long-term relationship territory. How do you recognise this? Again the clothes have it… because by this time you and your partner are using hangers for items of your kit, carefully folding your garb neatly on chairs etc; no longer the floor. And…. if you’re really in relationship longevity… you and your partner have chairs or special shelf space to put your garments in/on before diving into the passion pool.

meryl
kathe

And there you have it… the clothes/relationship thermometer - a prediction of your relationship status.

Be warned it is a sliding scale moving back and forth depending on the moment in your space time/relationship continuum.

So are you a flinger or a folder….. thus are you and your partner at the short-term fling stage (pardon the pun) or are you in for the long-term relationship haul - with your ordered and sophisticated neat folds.

candle

A strong woman's character summed up

Love it when it comes together and I have a strong woman's character summed up.

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Read more and discover some other, strong A.M. Jaxon women. 

Dare you to…


Women in their Place: REALLY

Observations of a Middle-Aged Dragon with a Tattoo:

WOMEN in their PLACE: REALLY!!

WOMEN in their PLACE: International women’s day is a great initiative, but shouldn’t we be defending our rights every hour of every day. This PPS campaign is brilliant and is about lasting more than an hour, or a day, it goes to the core: EMPOWERING women by using terms that usually tried to sell us short. It turns them on their head, to form powerful statements to embrace and build power through: turning phrases that give misogyny and chauvinism influence into ones that give women THEIR power: WORK OUT A PHRASE THAT defines you as a WOMAN.

ABOUT THE CAMPAIGN: PPS Honours Women with an Empowering Campaign 

TURNS DEROGATORY WORDS about WOMEN ON THEIR HEAD

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Define who YOU are don’t wait for someone to label you:  Dare you to....


My Waxing Technician has OCD

Observations of a Middle-Aged Dragon with Tattoo:

My Waxing Technician has OCD

 

She likes everything clean, smooth: totally deforested.

dorth

She is a fine waxing technician, (is that what we call them). However, she may be a little too zealous when it comes to my nether region. She waxes the same area several times (especially the lips) and then she brings out the big guns…. They are so painful… but small; the big guns are the dreaded tweezers.

She pulls at me and sharp nips of pain rise and fall. I almost say, ‘Why? Let me assure you the man that’s going to go down there needs glasses and so a few stray hairs will not be sighted. And let me inform you he will never go down there with glasses.'

Will his tongue be able to be discerning enough to seek out a stray hair? I don’t think so!

I’m playing to my audience, so my waxing should aim for the same. I’m not striving to perform at the Sydney Opera House, with a world-class virtuoso violinist. No, my performance heights are much lower. A performance in the domestic blissful bedroom, with a mere mortal fiddler, as I am also, only a mortal.

So rather than endure 20 minutes of pain. I think I’d be happy with less and no tweezers!

You may ask why bother. Until a year and a bit ago, I thought the same. Then I had it done (by a different technician) and found there was no turning back. I’m not sure why, maybe it’s the breezy feel, I really can’t say.

Let me say I admire my current technician’s perfection and her striving for excellence and it’s why I keep going back. The pain is transitory after all. This whole discussion is a first world problem and a very superficial one at that. Nonetheless, I hope it may provide some food for thought and have you smiling and laughing not squirming.

Maybe she thinks I could be a lesbian (not that there’s anything wrong with that) because let’s face it, only another woman would notice if there was an imperfection. Either way, it leaves me wondering.

dorth

Tell me should I ask for a lesser wax or basically toughen the f@#k up princess, and strive for excellence?? 

Strive for what you want, your excellence: Dare you to….


Happy Valentine's Day - Make It Your Own

Observations of a Middle-aged Dragon with a tattoo:  

Happy Valentines Day

Remember it takes all sorts!

It's only a date on the calendar after all

Above all Make it your Own

Image result for valentines day funny memes

You either love it or loathe it. This may depend on if you are a believer in romance or not. Nonetheless, even if you’re coupled-up, St Valentine’s Day can be a great source of stress, angst and arguments. There’s no guarantee that it’ll be all hearts, flowers and passionate romance even if you have a main-squeeze, partner or even a paramour.  There’s the:

Are we giving gifts? 

How much are we spending? 

Are we just going out for a romantic night? 

Is the gift thoughtful, special enough?

Will it send the ‘right’ message? 

Are you only after a wham, bam thankyou man?

Invariably we can find out that we’ve invested far too much time, energy, thought and love into the gift to discover it has in no way been reciprocated. 

Then the arguments and anger lead to a terrible night as the pressure of all the allure of romance usually doesn’t measure-up and is swamped by all the disappointment. This disappointment can reign supreme and St Valentine’s Day turns into the day of anti-love! Why do we do this to ourselves? Because when I say “we” I mean its women who tend to be the ones most put out by this day. 

You can completely dismiss it as another American scourge like Halloween. 

Image may contain: text that says 'It's better to have nobody than to have someone who is half there, or doesn't 't want to be there.'

Or embrace the fun regardless of whether your coupled up or not. Have a (Gal)entine Day and use this as (another) time to meet up with friends and just have FUN. Show you aren’t defined by anybody else but yourself.

The point being, love isn’t to be found and proven by just one day. It should be found in everyday we share with someone who we enjoy being with when we are on the sunny-side of the grass.

Have the St Valentine’s Day you want - forget everyone else and all of society’s pressures and myths.  

 Dare you to….