Bye, Bye Ben Wah: Bye Bye!

Observations of a Middle-Aged Dragon with a Tattoo: 

They just keep slippin': slip, sliding, away.

dorth

In my quest for an exquisite orgasm and riding on the sensational efforts of Fifty Shades of Grey. I bought me some Ben Wah balls.

Conclusion: Some things should have an age limit of a maximum not a minimum.

For example, for some toys it says not for children under the age of 6. When it comes to toys of the adult kind it should say things like - not for women over the age of 45 or not for those who’ve had more than 3 children.

Of course there are always exceptions to the rule and power to you if you're one of this rare breed.

What do I mean: just as there are children who are 4 and who can quite adequately master a game set a minimum of 6, I’m sure there are woman who are over 45 and who have had over three kids who can enjoy the pleasures of the Ben Wah balls. And as I said …. Power to you.

But for us mere mortals…. It's a sad realisation that comes as quickly, as the thudding sound of a Ben Wah ball falling out to the bathroom or bedroom floor from the said lips they were meant to be inserted through and stay.

Sadly, no 50SoG moments for this woman, only the sudden realisation of yet another part of the anatomy that, that bitch age has caught up with.

I’d just like to say I’m not incontinent and I have quiet, a responsive pelvic floor, even my husband tells me so. Sadly, it would seem my bits and pieces down there are just sagging. I think I need bigger balls of steel. Just a tad bigger if they are to stay in the required place to have the full Anastacia Steele enhanced climax experience…

Ben Wah balls can be used to increase the strength of the pelvic floor muscles. They are indeed vaginal weight-lifting equipment. They can be used to improve vaginal tone and bladder control while enhancing the sexual experience. Now that's a sentence I never thought I'd write.

The only enhanced experience I felt was a higher sense of frustration rippling through me and not the orgasmic kind. Defeated and somewhat deflated, I stowed the balls at the very back of my bathroom vanity… way, way, way back.

I'll just have to be content with my normal hubby and his normal balls and my normal orgasm.

dorth

Because who has time for Pelvic floor weight lifting…. I actually don’t mind the odd weights session, but I’d rather watch grass grow than do pelvic floor exercises. Those of you out there that are smart or cheeky or both; are no doubt falling over yourselves to tell me the beauty of my situation is that I could indeed watch the grass grow AND do my pelvic floor exercises at the same time….. Ha Ha Ha. You never know, someday I may bring them out for an encore performance. Because as they say in the classics it won't happen overnight, but it will happen....

candle

My Waxing Technician has OCD!

Observations of a Middle-aged Dragon with a tattoo:

  

She likes everything clean, smooth: totally deforested.

dorth

She is a fine waxing technician, (is that what we call them). However, she may be a little too zealous when it comes to my nether region. She waxes the same area several times (especially the lips) and then she brings out the big guns…. They are so painful… but small; the big guns are the dreaded tweezers.

She pulls at me and sharp nips of pain rise and fall. I almost say, ‘Why? Let me assure you the man that’s going to go down there needs glasses and so a few stray hairs will not be sighted. And let me inform you he will never go down there with glasses.'

Will his tongue be able to be discerning enough to seek out a stray hair? I don’t think so!

I’m playing to my audience, so my waxing should aim for the same. I’m not striving to perform at the Sydney Opera House, with a world-class virtuoso violinist. No, my performance heights are much lower. A performance in the domestic blissful bedroom, with a mere mortal fiddler, as I am also, only a mortal.

So rather than endure 20 minutes of pain. I think I’d be happy with less and no tweezers!

You may ask why bother. Until a year and a bit ago, I thought the same. Then I had it done (by a different technician) and found there was no turning back. I’m not sure why, maybe it’s the breezy feel, I really can’t say.

Let me say I admire my current technician’s perfection and her striving for excellence and it’s why I keep going back. The pain is transitory after all. This whole discussion is a first world problem and a very superficial one at that. Nonetheless, I hope it may provide some food for thought and have you smiling and laughing not squirming.

Maybe she thinks I could be a lesbian (not that there’s anything wrong with that) because let’s face it, only another woman would notice if there was an imperfection. Either way, it leaves me wondering.

dorth

Tell me should I ask for a lesser wax or basically toughen the f@#k up princess, and strive for excellence??


Sometimes someone just has to say what everybody is thinking.... BE BOLD

Observations of a Middle-Aged Dragon with a Tattoo: 

 

When you've had one of those days, this may bring a small smile to your face and spirit. 

 

 


Menopause the curse

Observations of a Middle-aged Dragon with a tattoo:

Menopause the curse!

I'm not so much a Sam Elliot fan, 

although he's easy on the eye and has a voice like dripping molasses, which I could listen to all day and it would relax me as much as a good warm massage. 

I’m more of  a David Beckham fan (as you may know if you read my football world cup blog from three week's ago.

 

He is just so ridiculously handsome. But I'm sure many of you have your own choice of man to lust after.

This is a novel idea which has great potential:

Or try these shoes and cuffs on for size... dare you to...

 


A small but powerful message for next week's journey:

Observations of a Middle-Aged Dragon with a Tattoo:

Eleanor Roosevelt's thoughts and sentiments have stood the test of time.