How do you break a champagne flute, just so? Perfect for a 'Mad' book cover?

dorth

On the journey to publish my first book, how did I create the champagne glass on the first cover? It wasn't as easy as first thought.

I had the honour of working with an amazingly masterful photographer, Simon and artists Nina and Susie. All I had to do was provide the champagne flute for the shoot. It had to be broken just so - easier said than done!

Surely, it's only a matter of taking said flute and smashing it on to the side of a table.

No that doesn't quite do it. Not if you're after a jagged edge around the glass, not just a few spikes on the end of the stem.

Then may be smashing something like a knife to smash into the flute as it lays on its side.

Nope, that doesn't give the effect either.

I'm trying not to laugh at myself.

Here I am in my kitchen, with a champagne flute in a plastic shopping bag and I've taken a heavy knife to the glass bowl part of the flute. Gently at first and then aggressively. So even though this glass is thin, it will not break. I've used a cheap thin glass champagne flute firstly, to practice. Seems like I'm going to need more than a quick smash and run to my first photo-shoot for the eBook cover. That would be a yes.

Now I'm really trying not to laugh at myself. Who'd of thought I'd ever be standing in my kitchen deliberately cracking champagne flutes.

dorth

Arhh... this is the ever surprising, if not slightly odd, journey I have now embarked having grabbed the bull by the balls or horns whichever it is, and decided to publish my erotic romance, suspense series.

Okay; as they say in the classics, 'think outside the box'.

Back to the drawing board. I need a jagged edge on said glass to grace the cover of Madly: Too Much Too Soon. How to produce this? My mind thinks quickly because of course, thinking it would be sooo easy to reproduce the broken glass; I have left myself little time to get to the photo shoot at the agreed time....

Never fear: I have a trusty red toolbox that my farmer-Dad gave me when I left home to strike out on my own. He gifted me, what I have thought, only as time has moved on; the best gift a Dad could give his daughter when she leaves home. A tool box with an array of handy tools to cover most, if not all household needs. However, I bet Dad never guessed I'd be using it to crack a champagne flute open to grace the cover of his daughter's erotic novel. Best not tell him about this use, just stick to telling him the toolbox was indeed the best gift for a daughter. It has kept giving through the 30-odd-years since I've left home.

dorth

Taking one of the three different types of pliers in my toolbox. Did I mention Dad was a farmer who was generally very practical and over engineered everything he made or repaired? So, taking the meatier pair of pliers, I clamp down on the glass rim and crack it. Success!!

First jagged edge made. I repeat the process and now I have a champagne flute semi-close to what I have in my minds-eye.

I will need more than one, or will I?

As this is my first product shoot, how would I know. Taking a leaf out of Dad's book, I over engineer this project. Less of a down side. I crack another glass in several ways. Two destructive masterpieces and many stems as well as pieces of glass all over my kitchen top, most have been caught in the grey plastic shopping bag.

First: One more thought:

As I hurriedly wrap, stuff and gently pack my lunchtime work into a larger cloth re-cycled shopping bag; I catch myself thinking... I hope I don't get pulled over by the police on my way to the shoot. How will I explain why I have all these broken champagne flutes packed ever-so neatly into a bag... Did I mention I was wearing latex gloves when I was doing all the breaking? Not that I didn't want to leave fingerprints... somewhere in my mind I believe in the protective capabilities of latex. Mmm, not one of my better ideas, luckily didn't need to rely on those protective properties. Because of course, and with hindsight, I realize the glass would have sliced straight though the latex and any fingers, hands, arms that got in the way.

Second: One more thought:

dorth

What would I tell the ER nurse? How would I explain how I slashed my various appendages if jagged glasses got away from me? Worse still what would the ambos think if they had to come and save me, finding me in my kitchen all battered and bleeding with self-induced broken glasses all around me.

Worse still: Hard to explain kitchen scene, me laid out on my pristine shiny white porcelain tiles, covered in blood and the police are wondering what the hell went on.

All that ends well is all good.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I walk into the photography studio, glasses jangling, but secure in my, not-so-classy bag. I aim for cool.... I'm anything but... not to mind we live and learn.

Let the fun of my first photo shoot begin. (Note to self: make sure model doesn't cut herself).

Note to the reader: It should be clear from the taught, toned and tanned young body; the gorgeous model in the photo is not me! Thanks to 'Sharna' for your great body, flexibility, time and patience.

candle